America's Next Top Manimal???

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On this week's episode of America's Next Top Tranimal, Tyra Franks made her beastly tranimal cuntestants dress like dudes. And posing with them were chicks with dix. Tranimals became manimals and manimals became tranimals.

It was so meta that S&T ultra-masterrrbated and went to Misshapes for an asymetrical bang rally, where they were celebrating white belts and inappropriate boots.

Hits from the bong!!!

The Sliding Gl-ass Closet Door

Sticky Martin isn't out of the closet, but he installed a spanking new see-through door on it.

"Life is too short to live closed up, guarding what you say," Sticky (right: in a platano hammock) told the Associated Press on Friday. He spoke in support Christian Chavez (of the Mexican band RBD), who recently revealed that he was gay.

"If this is a fashion, then I hope a lot more fashions like this come," he said, adding "in my mouth."

From the Vault...

This one goes out to all the tranimals out there feeling alone on the range on Friday night. S&T loves you, colt.

BREAKING: World's First Pregnant Tranimal?

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Aubrey Day, a member of musical group Tranity Kane, shocked the medical community when rumors surfaced that he was pregnant. The purported father? None other than Sean "P. Did He?" Combs, the man who discovered Day on the popular reality series Making the Man 3.

Reecent weight gain fueled speculation. Day has recently ballooned to 167 lbs., a dramatic change from the size the singer was before "Did He?" diddled her. Then, she was 105 lbs. (Before hair and makeup: 61 lbs.)

A Whorse Race

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(Not pictured to the right: carrots.)

Freedom Rider Hilary Swank beats Mona Lisa's Verticle Smile by a hoof in a photo finish!

Tranimal on Tranimal Action

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Do you need to get caught up on one of our favorite tranimalistic television programs, I Love New York? We've found a tranimalese expert that will fill you in:

Yes; it's still talking.

From The Malebox: "Sangyna's Marey Moment"

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Here at our headquarters, or as we like to call it, "The Ranch," we get a lot of sh-emails about American Idol -- and they're not all about Ryan Shecrest or, "When will Paula's balls fall out of her skirt?"

Last night's episode almost crashed our inbox! Why? Because Sangyna Malakar had a true shebiscuit moment. Here's a note from reader Patrick Palmer from Flushing, N.Y.:

"I've always loved the way she had naughty librarian hair one week and come-fuck-me curls the next. But this is the first time I wanted to take her mane between my thighs, and gallop off into the sunset!"

Another reader was so inspired by "Sangyna's marey moment," she wanted to "stick my fingers in her hairy haystack." But security at the studio was tighter than Shecrest's purple puckered mangina. (Just kidding... It's the loosest!) So S&T reader Ximena Garrett of Youngstown, Ohio, knitted her own pocket-sized popstar to put her pointer into. Hope she filed her nails!

Keep 'em coming, whorses, at shebiscuit@gmail.com.

Happy Birthday Fergie!

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Yesterday was our favorite tranimal's birthday. We're sorry we missed it, but we can make it up to her Royal Meth-majesty. The singer says it's 32 years old... but in tranimal years, let's see... that makes 83!

But what shall we get shim to celebrate the day it hatched? A trance CD? A transistor radio? Or how about a tranquil day at the groomer, um, spa where it can transcend the hectic schedule of being a famous she-male. Maybe we should get shim something more practical -- like a new transmission for its Trans Am! Nahh... let's give ourselves a present and send the beast on a transcultural trip! We'll even throw in this guidebook, which will help it to translate and conduct transactions with the locals on her transcontinental journey. Have a trantastic trip!

Whoa, SJP!

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We've heard of a horseless carriage, but have you ever seen a carriageless horse? Well, here's Sarah Jessica Parker, chomping at the bit to gallop across a New York City street. The silly filly whipped her mane around as she reached into her saddlebag for a sugar cube. But what's in her shopping bag? Probably something from her bridle registry.

Fergie's Beauty Secrets!

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Fergie is so hot! Her lips rule. They are so flaky and pink, it looks like she just gave an fugalicious blow job to a severly sunburnt Clay Aiken.

STEAL THE LOOK!!!

Apply a dead baby rat to your lips and rub it in. Don't be afraid to squeeze. Do you feel it working? A burning sensation? You can avoid that by clipping your dead baby rat's claws before applying it to your lips. (That's Fergie's tip!)

Are you going clubbing and your dead baby rat doesn't fit into your Forever 21 bag? No problem! Pay off a men's bathroom attendant to get a urinal cake and suck it. (That's Fergie's tip!)