Sign Up for the Pony Express!

Hey whorses! Are you chomping at the bit for the latest Julia Crotchburn news? Do you get your panties in a twist -- the way Sticky Martin likes it -- when you hear all about John Revolta? Is Fergie's dick bigger than your fridge?

Well, now's your chance to get all the latest news on your favorite shebiscuits, tranimals, tranwrecks, triscuits and more! Just email us at the ranch at shebiscuit@gmail.com -- with the subject "Pony Express" -- and we'll be sure to notify you when we update. And lesbihonest, you want us to slip it in your (in)box, don't you, whorses?

So what are you waiting for, a personal invitation from Chestica Simpson? She can't read, so take the reins, email us and sign up today!

Want Miley Psoriasis News? We're All Ears!

It's no secret that our favorite tween tranimal -- the No. 1 twanimal in the country --- Miley Psoriasis comes from a moosical family. After all, her father, Billy Gay (on the right) recorded the hit single, "Flakey, Stanky Fart" when Miley was just a twinkle in the hairspray in Billy Gay's mullet. But now, she's a big fat star face, appearing on the hit series, Sucky Kentucky. On the show, she plays dual, buttered rolls as an everyday Gelfling that moonlights as a show pony. Here's an exclusive first look at Miley, her father, and Miley in character as Sucky (center) in the upcoming movie, Sucky Kentucky Live! The Dark Crystal Meth Tour.

Math, With Paula Abdrool

Here at Shebiscuits & Tranimals we believe that learning can be fun! So, we've asked Paula Abdrool, American Idol's resident tranwreck, to help us practice our math -- the fun way.

Hey Paula, if you fill all your prescriptions at 10 a.m., and get 40 Vicodin, 355 Xanax, 22 Valium, 80 Temazepam and 2 Nuprin (Little. Yellow. Different.), how many pills will you have when Idol airs at 8 p.m.? Show us with your fingers.

That's right! You'll have three pills at 8 p.m.

Extra Credit: Compare the number of pills Paula has left at 8 p.m. with the number of cocks Ryan Shecrest gobbled between 10 a.m. and 8 p.m., when Idol starts?

A. Pills > Cocks
B. Pills < Cocks
C. Pills = Cocks

The correct answer is B. Nothing > Shecrest's cock gobbling!