Sneak Peek: Julia Crotchburn's Baby Pictures!

After 11 months, Julia Crotchburn birthed a healthy 75-pound colt. Look! He's walking already. Aww.

Happy Birthday Oldsens!

The Oldsen Twins are old. They recently celebrated yet another birthday in their signature highfalutin style. The event took place at the Old Country Buffet and started promptly at 4p.m. The scene was "Early Bird Special" and lucky guests like Meetchya Fartin', Betty White, Richard Dreyfus, Elizabeth Taylor and Barbara Bush noshed on Salisbury steak sliders, mini-chicken and dumplings and a ceviche puree. They washed it down with Metamuciltinis, gin and (apple) juice and Sankaritas. On the tables -- decorated with real nice pink crocheted table cloths, which were protected by thick plastic sheets -- were real nice crystal bowls filled with hard candies, provided by Worther's Original. Guests danced the night away to the the latest hits from Frank Sinatra, Etta James and JoJo. Youngsters raised a ruckus when Tara Reid electric (wheelchair) slid off the dance floor and bumped into Dina Slowhan, who fell and broke her hip and had to make an early exit. But most guests partied until the late hour of 7:30 p.m., when there was a sudden mass shuffle towards the exit ramps (Touched By an Angel starts at 8p.m.!). On their way out, guests clamored for the goodybag, a soft, washable -- and adjustable! -- fannypack, filled to its exandable zippers with real nice party favors. Inlcuded in that special bag were Epsom salts, toenail clippers and shower caps. Every guest also got LifeAlert. There was one blind item from the evening but partygoers wearing their bifocals and not just letting them hang around their necks, clearly saw one starlet snorting lines of Centrum Silver off a hand mirror.

Hay! You're Fowl

Go pluck yourself.