Is it an old woman? Is it a horse? Is it the future queen of England? You be the judge. (Hint: We're betting on horse.)
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Introducing ... Camilla Parker Trolls
Is it an old woman? Is it a horse? Is it the future queen of England? You be the judge. (Hint: We're betting on horse.)
EXCLUSIVE: Nicole Twitchy's SONOGRAM!
Nicole Twitchy has admitted she's pregnant and S&T brings you the exclusive first look at the star's unborn child, which she's having with Troll Madden. The she-horse released her first sonogram exlusively to S&T, saying, "I live in a fishbowl but I'm still so happy to share this experience with the world." It's already a rocky gestation for the troubled prawn star, who, at four months, is long overdue to give birth when most she-horse pregnancies last only two to three weeks. And she's definitely showing! These days, the suddenly huge-normous starfish is tipping the scales at 35 lbs., according to a report we stole from a pet store in Malibu.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Throw Your Hooves in the Air ...
... like you just don't care!!! Sarah Messica Parker reared up and partied down at a recent concert for Farm Aid.
Happy Birthday Chestica!
Our favorite son of a preacher tran, Chestica Simpson, just celebrated another birthday. "I don't look a day over 27," yelled Chestica, here pictured after it blew out the candle in its rack. (Not pictured: The candle between its legs.) Chestica actually turned 46, but its tits - a birthday gift from dad! - turned 3 years old just a few days ago. (Aww!)
Here are Chestica's tips for looking as young as it does:
1. Spend at least six hours a day in a tanning bed giving head. Four hours of direct sunlight and a rim job is also acceptable.
2. Stay a virgin in just one hole. (That hole is off-limits until marriage.) Unsure of which hole to pick? Ask daddy! (That's Chestica's tip!)
3. Speaking of tips, only let the tip into the other holes.
4. For a healthy diet, wash down your Chicken of the Sea with a lot of coke.
5. You'll get a shiny mane and a glossy coat if you drink a singer/songwriter protein shake every day. (Chestica loves the John Mayer flavor!)
Sneak Peek at Hilary's New Movie!
S&T brings you the exclusive first pic from Hilary Shank's new flicka, Iron Jawed Angels 2: A Pony Tail. In this Freaky Friday update, Shanks plays dual roles as Alison, a young career woman fed up with the horse race, who leaves the city for greener pastures. And she also plays Sugar Foot, a beautiful young mare she meets along the way who is longing for a taste city livin'. Ewe guessed it! They decide to switch places and filliness ensues. A source close to the set tells S&T that this is Shanks' finest work yet. "She is incredible," the insider says. "She could win a another Oscar." And if she does land in the winner's circle in March, it will be a trifecta for the actress who also won for Foals Don't Cry and Million Dollar Gelding.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Sneak Peek: Julia Crotchburn's Baby Pictures!
After 11 months, Julia Crotchburn birthed a healthy 75-pound colt. Look! He's walking already. Aww.
Happy Birthday Oldsens!
The Oldsen Twins are old. They recently celebrated yet another birthday in their signature highfalutin style. The event took place at the Old Country Buffet and started promptly at 4p.m. The scene was "Early Bird Special" and lucky guests like Meetchya Fartin', Betty White, Richard Dreyfus, Elizabeth Taylor and Barbara Bush noshed on Salisbury steak sliders, mini-chicken and dumplings and a ceviche puree. They washed it down with Metamuciltinis, gin and (apple) juice and Sankaritas. On the tables -- decorated with real nice pink crocheted table cloths, which were protected by thick plastic sheets -- were real nice crystal bowls filled with hard candies, provided by Worther's Original. Guests danced the night away to the the latest hits from Frank Sinatra, Etta James and JoJo. Youngsters raised a ruckus when Tara Reid electric (wheelchair) slid off the dance floor and bumped into Dina Slowhan, who fell and broke her hip and had to make an early exit. But most guests partied until the late hour of 7:30 p.m., when there was a sudden mass shuffle towards the exit ramps (Touched By an Angel starts at 8p.m.!). On their way out, guests clamored for the goodybag, a soft, washable -- and adjustable! -- fannypack, filled to its exandable zippers with real nice party favors. Inlcuded in that special bag were Epsom salts, toenail clippers and shower caps. Every guest also got LifeAlert. There was one blind item from the evening but partygoers wearing their bifocals and not just letting them hang around their necks, clearly saw one starlet snorting lines of Centrum Silver off a hand mirror.
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